Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
only if we run a train.
done.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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