My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize