last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Actions speak louder than pants.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
