He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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