He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
