Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
