I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
