Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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