Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
we made out on top of his cat.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
