I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
