I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
