so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
