I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
