I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
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