how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize