nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
