come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
