I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
