I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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