so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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