i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
