it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
