Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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