we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
