She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
