The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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