Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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