You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
