i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
