You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
