I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
