Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
