Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
