So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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