I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
