Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
