Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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