I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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