I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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