I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
