omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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