I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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