my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
