your room smells of hookers.
And success
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize
