Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
