How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
