Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
