He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
