You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
