i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
