Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
