HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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