piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
someone threw a dead crab at me
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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