i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
