You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
