I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
