Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
