Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
