Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
