Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Randomize
