bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
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This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
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i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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