actually, I'm a sock model
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
