When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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