My boss' voice literally gives me gas
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
