we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
