True but thats because hes a fetus.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
there is glitter all over my balls
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
