We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
my nose is crying tears of wow.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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