He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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