I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
