see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
