just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Help. Why am I so naked?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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