come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
