The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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