wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
