apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
