Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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