Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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