Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
