My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
