OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
