i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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