oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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