Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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