She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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